Why do we stay in jobs that grind us down?

So many of the people I work with have had a successful career but have ended up exhausted. Whether by toxic culture and poor leadership, or not working with their strengths and values and so feeling bored and unfulfilled year after year.

They often say they should have left earlier. I guess it's the 'boiling frog' thing. The exhaustion creeps us on us without us fully realising. And on top of the exhaustion sapping your energy to make a change, you don't know what you want to do. Something different - something 'not corporate' - but what does that look like? And how do you make the change? And what if it doesn't work out?

It can feel easier to stay where you are, counting down the years to retirement.

I did the same.

For several years I talked to family and friends about how I wanted to leave my organisation.

There was no alignment with my values and what matters to me.

I was working horribly long hours and most weeks travelling to other parts of the UK, involving 4 or 5 hours travel at a time and overnights in hotels. I was eating unhealthily (all those airport and hotel meals), and constantly tired due to early mornings to get flights and then disturbed nights in hotels.

• I kept waking at 4am thinking about something that had happened or something I had to do.

• I had little motivation for running and other things I enjoy.

• There was too much wine and 'comfort food'.

• I was spending less time with family and friends as I often worked evenings and weekends to 'catch up' or 'get ahead'.

• I dreaded Monday mornings and counted down the days to Friday afternoon, or even better, holidays.

While there were some really great people in leadership roles, there was far more poor leadership. Leaders who set unreasonable demands and offered no support; leaders who were bullies; leaders who needed their egos stroking; leaders who were suffering their own Burnout; and constantly changing strategy / structure that led to an annual 'redundancy programme'.

The culture was 'macho'. Every time I asked someone: How are you? Their answer was: Busy! (And they usually looked exhausted.) Looking back I think people were scared not to be seen to be busy, because of those annual redundancy programmes - but also everyone WAS really busy because of those annual redundancy programmes. How many times can an organisation 'reduce its headcount'? Everyone was doing the jobs of 2 or 3 colleagues who had left.

One day I realised I was sighing all the time, and rarely laughing.

And then I realised that instead of thinking: 'What do I need to do to keep my job in this round of redundancies?' I was thinking: 'Is this the time to put my hand up?'

Looking back, I really don't know why I stayed so long.

I'm usually action-orientated - if I have an idea I want to get on with it straight away. So why did this take me so long?

I gave myself various reasons:

• I was still able to learn and grow in my role (this has always been really important to me).

• I liked the people I worked with.

• I mostly enjoyed my work and I loved my team.

• I'd worked really hard to get where I was.

• I'd been able to make some improvements by ensuring I was working in alignment with my strengths and values as much as possible.

• On paper, this was a great job for me.

• We had a big mortgage and I wasn't sure I'd match my salary elsewhere.

• It was 'only' poor leadership and culture that caused me problems.

• No job or organisation is perfect, is it?

So I stuck in there, the psychological contract well and truly broken but hey, you can't have everything right?

But one day I did realise I just could not take any more of the behaviour I now call 'corporate BS'. It was time to quit, for the sake of my mental and physical health.

So when that next teleconference was called and another redundancy programme announced, I knew I was going to harness my Courage strength and say I wanted out. Even though I didn't know what I'd do next, I knew I had to get away from where I was and take time to recover. To reconnect once again with what was important to me.

Why do we stay in jobs that grind us down? Long past the time we know we should make a change for the good of our health?

It often feels easier to stay where you are - in your comfort zone instead of venturing out into the unknown.

But how comfortable are you really?

And it's a similar story for many of the people I work with. They know they need to take a break while they work out what to do next - and they know they do not want to go back to a similar environment.

'I've had enough of corporate' is common to hear.

So how do you make your escape from corporate and find work that will make you happy?

The most valuable things I did were:

• Take time to simply 'be me'. I went backpacking, exploring places and immersing myself in different experiences. For you, it may be about doing something creative, spending time with family and friends, improving your physical and / or mental fitness, regaining your confidence, etc. Someone said to me: 'I needed time to shed the corporate layers, to find the real me underneath the work me' and this resonated with me.

• Have a really good think about what matters most to me. What was the purpose / point of working? Of living? What needed to be in place for me to be happy in my work, and more importantly in my life? Which values was it essential to stay true to?

• Identify what I'd most enjoyed about the work I did. What did I want to do again? What did I definitely not want to do again?

• What did I most enjoy outside of work? What could I do to give me more of that?

• When doing the things I enjoy which strengths am I using? Which are non-negotiable in my future work and how did I want to use them?

• How much work did I want to do? How much did I need or want to earn?

• And then once I'd got a good view of the above points - how could I bring them together in a way that would make me happy?

Do you need or want some help to work through your ideas? Or lack of ideas?

Take a look at my Explore programme, designed for people in exactly your situation.

We'll take a deep dive into your unique strengths profile, and understand where your energy comes from. We'll explore your values and what really matters to you so you can set boundaries to protect it.

You'll be confident in your next steps, knowing you're making your decision based on what will make you happy!

Do you need an 'enabler job'?

Of course, it may take time to figure all this out, and you may not have the luxury of taking time out from paid work.

So, what can you do meantime?

This is where an 'enabler job' comes in. A job that enables you to work out what you want while you maintain what you need.

• Something that enables you to pay the bills while giving you the time and headspace to figure out what work will make you happy.

• Something that enables you to learn new skills and gain new experiences for your career change.

What the right enabler job is for you, will be unique to you. Take into account your needs, your wants, what's available / practical and what will enable you to move towards your career change goal.

Hi, I'm Karen!

Having made my own escape from corporate BS to find my freedom, I now help people like you (and me!) to do the same.

Learn more about me, here.

Or is it time to finally make your escape from corporate BS and focus on you?

There comes a time when we've just had enough. Enough of earning money, of climbing the career ladder, of working ourselves to an early grave for people who really couldn't care less about us (I'm looking at you, Directors, shareholders and analysts!).

If, like me, you have the 'opportunity' to walk away from corporate BS (maybe another restructure and redundancy programme is looming?) it's worth taking the time to think about what you can do instead.